junk drawer

This is boring. These are just skis in a row. Why did you click on this?

But don't worry, I got ya covered! Here's a bunch of (vaguely) skiing-related stories I wrote for your reading pleasure. 

Just in case you don’t know, there was no Airbnb in the 1980s. However, at some point growing up, my parents started using travel agents for our ski trips and booking us condominiums rather than hotels. Unlike a conventional hotel room, these were often multilevel, cabin-like structures that had kitchens, dens, and multiple bathrooms. 

In a condo, sometimes my little brother and I wouldn’t even be on the same floor much less the same room. I wouldn’t even have to talk to him if I didn’t feel like it, and to me, that was absolute heaven! One ski trip in a condo was all it took. After that first taste, 10-year-old me was hooked, and convinced I could never return to a normal hotel ever again. In my mind, hotels = bad and condos = good. 

If only had paid attention enough to get the word right. 

For the ski trip in question, my family was planning to go somewhere fancier than usual, and on the drive over to the travel agency, I overheard my parents saying that for Aspen, they might not be able to afford a condo like we were used to in Telluride. The thought of being holed up in some tiny hotel room for a week with my crybaby brother was enough to make me leap from our barely parked car and rush into the travel agent ahead of the rest of my family.

I burst through the doors of the small office and announced to the three ladies who were there at their desks, 

“Listen! Don’t try to sell us a hotel room, we are only interested in condoms!”

One of the women gasped and I think another dropped the paperwork she was holding. 

“I said I’m gonna need a nice large condom, Ma’am, one with extra room, big enough to fit both me and my brother.”

One of the women was trying to keep from laughing but the oldest, sternest looking one seemed angry. 

“Young man, did someone put you up to this?  Where are your parents?” 

“We’re right here. Why? What has he done?” my mom asked, as they entered through the door. “I bet you he came in telling you that we needed an enormous condominium, didn’t he? Is that it?”

“Um, something like that…” mumbled the giggly one. 

“Yeah Mom, no one says the whole word, that’s not cool. I used the abbreviation. I was just about to tell then that even though Ross and are older and bigger now, we could probably even squeeze into a smaller condom, if it came down to that.”

My parents turned bright red, but now even the older lady was laughing. 

“We’ll see what we can do, one extra-large, family-sized condom coming right up!”

I never plan to have kids, but I believe in karma, so I’m always nervously awaiting whatever cosmic payback the Universe has in store for me. 

Skis in a Row

Taos, New Mexico